Tech Bros Are Obsessed With Statue-Maxxing

If the Statue of Liberty is a symbol of America at its best, welcoming any and all seeking freedom and opportunity to our shores, it’s only right that we get a statue that represents the worst of America. Luckily, the tech bros are on it. According to Bloomberg, many Republican-aligned tech investors are trying to build new statues across America to prepare us for our own Fall of the Empire era.

Per the report, there are at least four Silicon Valley dopes looking to become modern-day Monuments Men. There’s Bitcoin mining enthusiast Ross Calvin, who has his sights set on building a 450-foot-tall statue of the Greek god Prometheus on Alcatraz island; Palantir co-founder and Peter Thiel pal Joe Lonsdale, who has made a habit of commissioning sculptures that evoke “classical aesthetics”; and angel investor Elad Gil, who started a project called Monumental with the goal of building large statues; and Mo Mahmood, the founder of More Monuments.

Calvin’s plan seems to be the most considered of the bunch. He is reportedly planning on lobbying Donald Trump’s team with a pitch to get Alcatraz reclassified as a national monument instead of a national park. That designation would allow him to construct the 30-story tall carving of Prometheus, which will apparently be accompanied by a technology museum. The statue, which would dwarf the 305-foot Statue of Liberty, would be made of nickel-bronze alloy and positioned so it’s visible from the entire Bay Area. It would also come in at a cost of $450 million.

Lonsdale seems slightly less obsessed with scale, but is deeply interested in aesthetics. Per Bloomberg, he’s already commissioned (regular-sized) sculptures of the Greek goddesses known as the Three Graces and a neoclassical bust of Bari Weiss that sits on display at the University of Austin, which Lonsdale co-founded. Lonsdale, who calls himself a “classical aestheticist,” is also a backer of the National Monuments Foundation, run by Rodney Mims Cook Jr., who previously served as Trump’s appointee to the US Commission of Fine Arts.

Gil has his own venture in this space, called Monumental, which he pitched about a year ago on an appearance on the podcast “My First Million.” He’s really more the money guy here, as he stated during the interview that he’s looking to finance someone who can make the dream a reality, but his plan is to build statues that are “an ode to the future,” which he claims is something civilizations at their peak always do. (What happens after the peak, has anyone checked?) Per Bloomberg, he’s a bit less obsessed with “Western” values than the others, and wants to pull inspiration from structures like Aztec and Mayan temples, the Sphinx of Giza, and the Great Wall of China.

Then there’s Mahmood, who has the biggest ambition in terms of size. He wants to build a 650-foot statue of George Washington—though for now, he’s apparently settling for crafting a 50-foot version that is reportedly set to be unveiled on July 4, 2026, to mark America’s 250th year. He does, to his credit, already have one successful project under his belt. Per Bloomberg, his company built a 54-foot statue of an oil derrick, which is now the largest monument in the Austin, Texas area.

While these seem like deeply ridiculous plans and, frankly, people, they may well have an ally in the White House. Trump has already set aside $40 million to build a National Garden of American Heroes, which is slated to contain more than 250 statues of iconic American figures. He also reportedly has plans to build a triumphal arch in Washington, D.C. that would stand across from the Lincoln Memorial on the other side of the Potomac River. Plus, it’s not like he’s exactly opposed to deeply gaudy-looking constructions, so, he’s kinda the audience for this kind of thing.